Cigar Reviewed: Punch Knuckle Buster Maduro

Smoked at: Cutter's Cigar LLC - 715 W. Lumsden Rd, Brandon, FL 33511

***I decide to smoke a knuckle buster maduro on the beach Pulling the cigar from its cellophane jail, I swear I have seen this cigar before. Finally, it comes to me…it is just the same as the Stick I bought from the guy standing on the corner pan handling(looked like a cigar aficionado) last summer. A squeeze reveals a spongy construction, much like a contraceptive sponge prior to insertion. The pre-light draw is a taste to remember…it’s what I imagine sucking powdered goat dung through a straw made of petrified moose shit might taste like. I contemplate quitting but decide that if I can have a root canal with no anesthesia, I can smoke this cigar.

As I toast the end of the stick, the way the Killing Fields of Cambodia must have smelled is the only thing that comes to my mind. All the pain and torture that must have been endured there seems only slightly worse than the experience I am suffering. The first draw fills my mouth with smoke that would be better suited for a fire at a tire factory, but I press on, knowing that I must find some answers. My head begins to pound like a headboard in a Ginger Lynn movie, but I puff again, trying to keep the smoke in and the bile down. The cigar is burning sideways and fast, and finally I can take no more. I see a homeless man walking by in his filthy clothes, and I ask him to spit in my mouth to take away the taste of the KBM. He obliges and the stale taste of bad wine and cheap cigarettes is a welcome change. I offer him the remainder of the cigar as a reward for his kind gesture, and he slugs me square in the mouth. The mixture of my own blood and the Mogden David remain with me."